DSI Witness News » Top Headlines

What’s an Uptick?

DSI Witness News — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 13:50:25 +0000

Kit FitzSimons and Molly Buckley bring you today’s top headlines.

Molly would like to apologize for her inability to speak the English language.

Robert Bapst Themed Headlines

DSI Witness News — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 14:17:59 +0000

AARON: It’s the final edition of DSI Witness News: Robert Bapst Tribute Week. I’m Aaron Keck.

MOLLY: I’m Molly Buckley.

ZACH: I’m Zach Ward. And with us once again is our soon-to-be-departed writer, Robert Bapst.

ROBERT: Hey everybody.

ZACH: It’s been a fun and bittersweet week here at DSI Witness News, but the time has come to send Robert off for real.

MOLLY: And we thought, what better way to do it than by having Ron Stutts sing his own karaoke version of Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye?

AARON: But unfortunately, Ron wouldn’t go for it. So we’re doing headline jokes instead.

ZACH: So without further ado—

ROBERT: Here are your Robert Bapst-themed top headlines.

The Fuuuuture of Chapel Hill

DSI Witness News — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 13:39:54 +0000

World Cup season has come to an end, and in case you were wondering: we didn’t win. But the big winner at this year’s World Cup wasn’t a team at all—but an octopus. Yes, Paul the Octopus, the world-famous tentacled seer who successfully called the outcome of every single World Cup game. And we thought, hey, since he’s so great at predicting soccer matches, why not ask him to predict the fuuuture of Chapel Hill!

We’re gonna see Joe Biden!

DSI Witness News — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 14:51:19 +0000

We bring you the headlines. Oh, yeah, we brought them.

DSI Witness News – 06-30-2010

DSI Witness News — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 14:48:26 +0000

A brain for John Edwards, young football players, TASTY CHAW!, and Miss Raleigh is a Soul Man.

Chamber for Hire on DSI Witness News

DSI Witness News — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 14:12:34 +0000

Filling in for your regular anchors, I’m Chapel Hill Chamber of Commerce President Aaron Nelson. As you may know, I’m spending the summer visiting select businesses and learning to do their jobs as part of our Chamber For Hire program, and today I’m taking over as DSI’s on-air personality. This should be easy as pie. All right, Ron Stutts, here are your top headlines.

World Cup Wednesday!

DSI Witness News — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 21:00:42 +0000

World Cup Themed Headlines. Excuse the sound of the vuvuzela.

Shag for Hog Day?

DSI Witness News — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 14:31:56 +0000

Bad news for Hillsborough Pigs?, Police side businesses, Freudian Father’s Day, battle of the field trip locations, Puritan vs. Ruritan SHAGGING!

Spay and Neuter Your…

DSI Witness News — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 14:34:12 +0000

An influx of kittens and small farmers? Tornello Fontaine Pierce El-Bay vs. Wycliffe Deneen Niko-Harrigan, Thanks a Million! Dude, where’s my Louis Armstrong?, and you’re cooler at 38.

The Ball’s in Your Court

DSI Witness News — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 14:20:22 +0000

The Town of Hillsborough and Orange County are COURTing? Wayne Moore, more like WIN Moore, A teacher’s worst nightmare, and Ranch. Dressing.

Highlighting Absorbency

DSI Witness News — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 15:51:46 +0000

Bobcat Goldthwait and Citizen’s Police Academy, Chapel Hill HS needs more homework, Grandson after the car ride, Reservoirs are BLANK % FULL, Hunter S. Thompson School of Journalism, Deserving Teachers, and Water-Themed Reading Programs.

Boycotting Currituck County

DSI Witness News — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 13:38:58 +0000

Kicking the habit with heroin, a massive crime spree in Greensboro, a college education in the south, Governor Bob McDonnell takes a TOLL on highways, boycotting Currituck County, solar farm and get your own recycling bin.

Memorial Day Hippie Dippies

DSI Witness News — Mon, 31 May 2010 17:21:56 +0000

Free hot dogs on Memorial Day, Hippie Dippie Carrboro, Satisfied in relationships?, and Walkable Hillsborough Day.

Bring a Grenade!

DSI Witness News — Tue, 25 May 2010 21:26:40 +0000

A grenade in a goodwill store, Judge Buckner sent to time out, Bud Light Beer isn’t the only thing sold in Bud Light Stadium, my drunk Uncle and the oil spill, the Hunchback of NC State, and Glenn Beck ruined my day.

Post-It Note Art for $5!

DSI Witness News — Thu, 20 May 2010 15:19:01 +0000

Jose Cuervo Dome?, Lake levels are looking good… real good, post-it note art for $5, and a bunch of chicken puns. Molly Buckley and Aaron Keck bring you the headlines.

Wanna Get Lei’d?

DSI Witness News — Tue, 18 May 2010 14:48:18 +0000

UNC study finds a new male contraceptive, rats are better than men?, and some folks go to Hawaii. Molly Buckley and Aaron Keck bring you the headlines.

Bike AT Work Week

DSI Witness News — Mon, 17 May 2010 18:43:00 +0000

It’s Bike to Work Week in Chapel Hill and DSI’S Aaron Keck brings you the headlines from in the studio, but Molly Buckley brought you headlines from a bike on MLK Boulevard.

Don’t Forget Your Rabies Shot

DSI Witness News — Tue, 11 May 2010 16:00:45 +0000

UNC-CH to eliminate reliance on coal by the year 2020, Wear brothers’ transfer leaves Tar Heels “short-handed,” rabies vaccination clinic in Rockingham County, James Taylor loses U.S. House primary, Pittsboro Memorial Library converted into temporary courtroom, car crashes into fire-ravaged Chatham County Courthouse, White Castle onion candles, Rielle Hunter deposition sealed, Chapel Hill arrested flasher, high schooler Maddy Kameny raising money for Burmese refugees. Molly Buckley, Aaron Keck.

Burmese South Improv

DSI Witness News — Tue, 11 May 2010 14:30:00 +0000

UNC “WEARS” coal, James Taylor in North Carolina, Rielle Hunter, Zee Soldering Iron, and DSI Burma.

Yo Momma!

DSI Witness News — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 16:00:15 +0000

Hookah Bliss finally stopped selling alcohol, Gustavo Dudamel brings music education movement to Durham, Holy Cross Catholic Church moved, Kit’s momma, Tom Tancredo speech at Chapel Hill, Aaron’s momma, Orange County’s unemployment rate drops, activists calling for improved working conditions at UNC Chapel Hill dining halls, charity runs/walks in Triangle area, Gov Perdue not ready to raise taxes to meet transportation needs, Belgian exchange students stranded in Chapel Hill, Burmese refugees, Carrboro student wins scholarship, Chamber of Commerce retreat, Lewis Black, local crime, county grant. Kit FitzSimons, Aaron Keck.

Tornello Fontaine Pierce El-Bey

DSI Witness News — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 16:00:21 +0000

Tornello Fontaine Pierce El-Bey sues Greensboro over traffic ticket, Duke men’s basketball team meets Governor Perdue, new high school in Rollsville opening delayed, thong ban, UNC activist returned to attack Tom Tancredo, man hit in head with brick by cousin, barrel monster artist tied of using just orange barrels. Aaron Keck, Kit FitzSimons.

Just Right

DSI Witness News — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 16:00:02 +0000

Hunters and property owners talk in Rockingham County, Orange County eliminates vacant staff positions, Orange County would like to extend broadband to rural areas, NC State University fashion show, Backstreet Buzz coffee shop in Reidsville, unusual break-in at Chapel Hill home, break-in at Meadowmont great clips, Durham donkey dies of rabies. Aaron Keck, Kit FitzSimons.

A Videographer?!?

DSI Witness News — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 16:00:35 +0000

Elizabeth Edwards to make a public appearance at event with a shorter title than her suggestion. Aaron Keck, Kit FitzSimons.

Um, It’s Weed

DSI Witness News — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 16:00:40 +0000

BBB of Central NC hosting Shred-A-Thon, UNC sophomore Drew to return to play for Tar Heels, Triangle congressmen not expecting backlash from health care law, Duke defamation lawsuit with lacrosse coach settles, Willie Nelson’s band members still face drug charges in Duplin County, “ladies night out” in Hillsborough, suspect found hiding above cieling tiles, brake fluid stolen, new eco-friendly Jewish community center in Durham. Kit FitzSimons, Aaron Keck.

Pollen Highs

DSI Witness News — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 16:00:02 +0000

New acting police chief in Hillsborough, Hillsborough “ladies’ night out,” burning yard debris, strawberry growers watching the heat, pollen levels hit record highs, Project Graduation to award graduating high school seniors. Aaron Keck, Kit FitzSimons.

DSI Crime Update

DSI Witness News — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 16:00:53 +0000

Gov. Perdue receives threat, dog causes fender-bender, side mirror ripped off, mercury control at New Hanover cement factory, wine hidden in thief’s pants, topless women march in Maine, Chapel Hill police called on teen driving mother’s care without permission, purse-snatching at Whole Foods. Molly Buckley, Kit FitzSimons.

The Soldering Iron!

DSI Witness News — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 16:00:13 +0000

Courthouse fire began when worker dropped soldering iron, UNC-G “Wacky Tacky Prom,” Greensboro native appearing in movie with Miley Cyrus, kitchen fire at 411 West, ceramic duck used to break into home, Wilmont apartment building on Hillsborogh Street restored. Molly Buckley, Kit FitzSimons.

No Pittsboro Jokes All Week (We Promise)

DSI Witness News — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 16:00:06 +0000

No Pittsboro jokes all week, CHPD tracks boot thief, Anoop Desai stepping back into the limelight, Sierra Club hosts candidate forum, Jelly Belly jellybean display at A Southern Season, Spanky’s Restaurant adds Ron Stutts caricature portrait, Hayley Mills filmed movie in Rockingham County, nearly half of NC teens working illegally. Molly Buckley, Aaron Keck.

Ahhh, Rockingham County

DSI Witness News — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 16:00:40 +0000

“Taste of Durham” canceled, UNC men’s basketball playing in NIT, Kroger recalls salmonella contaminated seasoning mix, boats vandalized in Rockingham County, Mecklenburg County owed $43 million in delinquent taxes, “Gypsy” at Rockingham County High School, Gov Perdue’s approval over 30 percent, Andrew Young at Flyleaf Books for book signing, Andrew Young says things got bad for his wife. Molly Buckley, Aaron Keck.

Google, Google, Google… Google

DSI Witness News — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 16:00:53 +0000

US Census coming this week, Mo’Nique at Greensboro Coliseum, Rockingham County employee furloughs, AussieBum’s banana underwear, Wake County school board chair suggests splitting district, Beard Foundation honors local chefs, cuts at Wake County Sheriff’s Department, Google offers to rewire communities. Molly Buckley, Kit FitzSimons.