DSI Comedy Theater takes over the airwaves to keep you up to date on top stories around the Triangle and beyond.
Posts tagged ‘Molly Buckley’
Kit FitzSimons and Molly Buckley bring you today’s top headlines.
Molly would like to apologize for her inability to speak the English language.
AARON: It’s the final edition of DSI Witness News: Robert Bapst Tribute Week. I’m Aaron Keck.
MOLLY: I’m Molly Buckley.
ZACH: I’m Zach Ward. And with us once again is our soon-to-be-departed writer, Robert Bapst.
ROBERT: Hey everybody.
ZACH: It’s been a fun and bittersweet week here at DSI Witness News, but the time has come to send Robert off for real.
MOLLY: And we thought, what better way to do it than by having Ron Stutts sing his own karaoke version of Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye?
AARON: But unfortunately, Ron wouldn’t go for it. So we’re doing headline jokes instead.
ZACH: So without further ado—
ROBERT: Here are your Robert Bapst-themed top headlines.
Two young lemurs made international news last week when they escaped from a zoo in Salzburg, Austria, only to be recaptured days later–in a hotel bar. Joining us today to shed some light on all this is a very special guest from Duke University’s Lemur Center–Mr. Wifflefizz.
It’s the first day of Robert Bapst tribute week – a week where every piece is dedicated to Robert Bapst.
Harry Potter-mania is sweeping the nation yet again, and Chapel Hill is not immune: as WCHL reported last weekend, a group of UNC students have started their own Quidditch team. For those of you who don’t know, Quidditch is a soccer-style game played on flying broomsticks–and given that fact, we were not surprised to learn that one of our own commentators is a founding member of the UNC Quidditch Club. And so, joining us again today, is local Quidditch sensation–and Carrboronian extraordinaire–Ms. Aurora Joplin.
World Cup season has come to an end, and in case you were wondering: we didn’t win. But the big winner at this year’s World Cup wasn’t a team at all—but an octopus. Yes, Paul the Octopus, the world-famous tentacled seer who successfully called the outcome of every single World Cup game. And we thought, hey, since he’s so great at predicting soccer matches, why not ask him to predict the fuuuture of Chapel Hill!
We bring you the headlines. Oh, yeah, we brought them.
Elizabeth Edwards has placed her Chapel Hill home on the market, in hopes that she can sell the house and move on with her life. Here with a comment, is next-door neighbor, Old Man Healy.
Local author Jeffrey Deaver has been tapped to write the next James Bond novel, and we here at DSI Witness News couldn’t be more excited. In fact, we were hoping to have Jeffrey Deaver here today to read some of the book for us, but a series of unfortunate circumstances forced him to cancel at the last minute. So, instead, please enjoy three minutes of Erskine Bowles singing The Battle Hymn of the Republic. Take it away.
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