DSI Witness News » Character Piece

SunTrusts of ADVENTURE!

DSI Witness News — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 15:45:34 +0000

Durham City officials are considering chipping in more business incentives to help Greenfire Development convert downtown Durham’s historic SunTrust tower into a 165-room boutique hotel. With us today to discuss the proposal is DSI Witness News’ own construction expert, Gino Fontinelli.

Where’s Robert Bapst?

DSI Witness News — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 18:21:15 +0000

We miss him already and he hasn’t even left.

Steel Cut Hot Dogs

DSI Witness News — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 15:37:50 +0000

It’s July, and that means it’s time to celebrate National Hot Dog Month, that special time of year when folks all over America step outside to cook up some hot dogs and enjoy those warm summer nights. And joining us again today with a message for National Hot Dog Month, is Mister Steel Cut himself, Wilford Brimley.

Mr. Wifflefizz the Baby Lemur

DSI Witness News — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 13:56:28 +0000

Two young lemurs made international news last week when they escaped from a zoo in Salzburg, Austria, only to be recaptured days later–in a hotel bar. Joining us today to shed some light on all this is a very special guest from Duke University’s Lemur Center–Mr. Wifflefizz.

Aurora Joplin: Quidditch Player Extraordinaire

DSI Witness News — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 15:15:15 +0000

Harry Potter-mania is sweeping the nation yet again, and Chapel Hill is not immune: as WCHL reported last weekend, a group of UNC students have started their own Quidditch team. For those of you who don’t know, Quidditch is a soccer-style game played on flying broomsticks–and given that fact, we were not surprised to learn that one of our own commentators is a founding member of the UNC Quidditch Club. And so, joining us again today, is local Quidditch sensation–and Carrboronian extraordinaire–Ms. Aurora Joplin.

Painted Chair Animal Rescue

DSI Witness News — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 15:40:55 +0000

The Independent Animal Rescue will hold its eighth annual Painted Chair and More Auction later this month. With us to talk about the specifics of the event is Independent Animal Rescue High School Intern Myron Maclaine.

The Fuuuuture of Chapel Hill

DSI Witness News — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 13:39:54 +0000

World Cup season has come to an end, and in case you were wondering: we didn’t win. But the big winner at this year’s World Cup wasn’t a team at all—but an octopus. Yes, Paul the Octopus, the world-famous tentacled seer who successfully called the outcome of every single World Cup game. And we thought, hey, since he’s so great at predicting soccer matches, why not ask him to predict the fuuuture of Chapel Hill!

The Response Letter

DSI Witness News — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 22:03:44 +0000

Last week, the mayor of Morganton, Mel Cohen, wrote a letter to the Chapel Hill News blasting the Town Council for neglecting downtown, lamenting the closure of the Chapel Hill Museum—among other things—and generally complaining that Chapel Hill is in serious decline. Mayor Mark Kleinschmidt responded with a letter of his own defending Chapel Hill, but we here at DSI Witness News have managed to obtain the original first draft of Mayor Kleinschmidt’s letter, and we’d like to read it for you now.

Luke Warm Diggity Days

DSI Witness News — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 14:21:56 +0000

Zach Ward comes and does bits with Walter Storholt about Hot Diggity Days.

Old Man Healy

DSI Witness News — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 14:50:15 +0000

Elizabeth Edwards has placed her Chapel Hill home on the market, in hopes that she can sell the house and move on with her life. Here with a comment, is next-door neighbor, Old Man Healy.

The Pork Council Regulators

DSI Witness News — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 13:10:51 +0000

A bill aimed at combating puppy mills by regulating commercial dog breeders in North Carolina failed last week for the second straight year, in part due to a surprising adversary: The N.C. Pork Council. Here with a comment is N.C. Pork Council spokesperson, Gordana Swino. Welcome.

Erskine Bowles Sings

DSI Witness News — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 16:07:40 +0000

Local author Jeffrey Deaver has been tapped to write the next James Bond novel, and we here at DSI Witness News couldn’t be more excited. In fact, we were hoping to have Jeffrey Deaver here today to read some of the book for us, but a series of unfortunate circumstances forced him to cancel at the last minute. So, instead, please enjoy three minutes of Erskine Bowles singing The Battle Hymn of the Republic. Take it away.

Aurora Joplin Plugs Harvey Wallbanger

DSI Witness News — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 16:18:07 +0000

Molly Buckley, Aurora Joplin, and guest “Gary” sit down with Ron Stutts to talk about Harvey Wallbanger: a one-woman show by Molly Buckle y, opening TONIGHT (July 2nd) at 9:30PM at the DSI Comedy Theater in Carrboro, North Carolina.

Sally Thomas – Events Correspondent

DSI Witness News — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 20:10:43 +0000

Summertime is officially upon us, and I’m sure many of you, like me, are thinking, Gee, I’d love to get outside and really take in some more of this ridiculous 95-degree weather. But where can I go? What can I do? Well, we here at DSI Witness News have got you covered. And so, joining us again today with a rundown of the area’s big summer events, here is our new Summer Events Correspondent— and, Raleigh real estate agent—Sally Thomas.

John Henson Speaks

DSI Witness News — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 13:53:25 +0000

UNC men’s basketball head coach Roy Williams told reporters last week that lanky sophomore forward John Henson has gained a lot of much needed weight since the beginning of his freshman year. Here to comment is UNC’s own, John Henson.

Chamber for Hire on DSI Witness News

DSI Witness News — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 14:12:34 +0000

Filling in for your regular anchors, I’m Chapel Hill Chamber of Commerce President Aaron Nelson. As you may know, I’m spending the summer visiting select businesses and learning to do their jobs as part of our Chamber For Hire program, and today I’m taking over as DSI’s on-air personality. This should be easy as pie. All right, Ron Stutts, here are your top headlines.

Knobby Bigfoot Sightings

DSI Witness News — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 16:42:46 +0000

Filling in for Aaron Keck, Kit FitzSimons, Molly Buckley and Zach Ward, I’m Fiona Stewart-Taylor. Last week, a man named Tim Peeler reported a close encounter with KNOBBY, the legendary 10 foot tall, blond hairy big-foot that’s stalks the Carolina wilderness. And ever since then, um, our DSI Witness News team has been–well, mysteriously disappearing. So today we’re opening up the phones for ANYONE who might have news of their whereabouts. –All right, we’ve got a call. DSI Witness News, you’re on the air.

Sariah the Community Snake

DSI Witness News — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 13:44:40 +0000

Last week, a Chapel Hill postal worker found the skin of a 4 foot boa constrictor while out on his mail route, and now, Orange County Animal Services are on the lookout for the missing serpent. Well, we here at DSI Witness News–oh yeah. We found it. And so, here with us today is, the Chapel Hill-Carrboro 4-foot boa constrictor… Welcome.

Wait, you’re…

DSI Witness News — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 18:24:07 +0000

North Carolina voters are heading to the polls today to determine whether Elaine Marshall or Cal Cunningham will be the Democratic nominee for U.S. Senate. Marshall held a commanding lead earlier this year, but the young, charismatic Cunningham has tied the race with a surprisingly effective insurgent campaign. He joins us today. Mr. Cunningham, welcome.

Note: This piece is based on fictitious accounts and has no basis in reality. DSI Witness News neither endorses or opposes any political candidates. We love everyone.

Father’s Day Ideas

DSI Witness News — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 19:12:36 +0000

This Sunday is Father’s Day, and each year holiday’s like this can sneak up on us and our busy lives. So, you may not have made plans or purchased gifts yet, for that man who held the hand of the woman who brought you into this world. Or any man in your life that may have taken the place of that man that held the hand of the woman who… [BEAT / BREATHE] Father’s Day. So, here with us to give some last minute pro-tips is DSI Witness News HOLIDAY Correspondent, Leetha.

Pay ANY Ticket dot com.

DSI Witness News — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 16:09:08 +0000

The state of North Carolina has just this month started the website “paynctickets.com,” which Orange County residents can use to pay off speeding tickets, stop sign violations, and other minor traffic offenses. Court officials hope that the online payment method will reduce the number of mistakes caused by mailing checks and make it easier for residents to handle tickets at the last minute from the comfort of their homes. And apparently, listeners, someone let Department of Transportation spokesperson Mack Freedman back into the studio.

Babe the Celebripig

DSI Witness News — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 15:35:48 +0000

It’s hard to believe that an entire year has gone by, but yes, this weekend the Hillsborough and Orange County Chamber of commerce will hold the 28th annual Hillsborough Hog Day festival. Hog Day is an annual tradition that is always fun for the whole family with entertainment, games, and lots of food. But for those of you who are hesitant about attending Hog Day, you’re not alone. Here with us to give some tips on how to prepare yourself for the perils of Hog Day is the one, the only, Babe the Pig.

High School Athlete ANDY Savage

DSI Witness News — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 13:51:42 +0000

The North Carolina Alliance for Athletics, Health, Physical Education, Recreation and Dance –or, for short, Nuh-Caaah-perd– has proposed a bill that would create an HONORS physical education program for high school students. House Bill 901 would grant honors status for phys-ed classes such as exercise physiology and sports medicine. The bill attempts to use honors credits as an enticement to attract college-bound students to physical education classes. Joining us today in the studio to comment is Chapel Hill High School sophomore, Andy Savage.

Aurora Joplin Sings Happy Birthday

DSI Witness News — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 16:33:30 +0000

Today is Thursday, June 10th, 2010 which means Summer is almost here, kids are getting ready to be out of school, and it’s the day in which WCHL’s and OUR beloved RON STUTTS came into this world all those years ago. You know, so many people wake up EVERY morning waiting to hear that sweet sound of the voice of Ron Stutts. He has so many fans. But we all know who Ron’s BIGGEST fan is. And that fan is here with us today to wish Ron Stutts the Happy Birthday he so deserves. So please, welcome to the studio self-proclaimed neti pot spokeswoman and Carrboro citizen par excellence extraordinaire, Aurora Joplin.

Oscar the Artist

DSI Witness News — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 12:22:29 +0000

Throughout this month, the annual SCRAPEL HILL Competition will be accepting submissions of sketches for projects made from scrap, recyclable or non-recyclable materials. The competition is open to professional artists, architects, designers, and anyone age 18 and up residing within a 250-mile radius of Chapel Hill. Well, unfortunately, there’s one artist who is not happy about his inability to submit his designs because he lives outside of the 250 mile radius. Here will us all the way from Sesame Street, Oscar the Grouch.

Woody Biomass Does It Again

DSI Witness News — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 13:44:54 +0000

Last week, UNC officials elected to pay a 15,000-dollar fine for violations at a Bingham Township facility that led to the contamination of nearby Collins Creek. The embarrassing incident is forcing the UNC to redouble its efforts to build an eco-friendly image. And so, joining us again today is UNC spokesman, and your friendly neighborhood eco-buddy, Woody Biomass!

Cool to be Carrboro Alderman

DSI Witness News — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 16:00:25 +0000

Memorial Day is over and June has begun, and that means it’s every kid’s favorite season—summertime! That’s right—summer camps, soccer leagues, family vacations, and three months of no school! We here at DSI Witness News are pretty thrilled ourselves, but even we can’t match the excitement of a regular kid! And so, joining us again today to talk about HIS summer plans is a very special young commentator—junior detective, sledder extraordinaire, and, Carrboro Alderman—Sammy Slade.

Kit Crosses I-40

DSI Witness News — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 17:50:59 +0000

Raleigh native Jonathan Trappe fulfilled a lifelong dream last week by crossing the English Channel while dangling from a cluster of helium balloons. Well, any stunt Raleigh can do, we here in Chapel Hill-Carrboro can do better. And so, joining us from somewhere along the Chapel Hill-Durham border, is Kit FitzSimons, who is about to attempt to cross I-40 while dangling from as many helium balloons as we could find.

The Copper Caper

DSI Witness News — Fri, 28 May 2010 13:42:24 +0000

Last week, someone broke into the BB&T building on Elliott Road and stole a large amount of copper drain piping. The theft seems unusual, but police are warning businesses to be cautious. Joining us to say more, from the Orange County Sheriff’s office, Captain Chris Clifford.

Speculators: Wool E. Bull

DSI Witness News — Thu, 27 May 2010 14:22:21 +0000

It’s another edition of The Speculators.

“I’m Wool E Bull. You might know me as the silent horn-ed face of the Durham Bulls baseball team. But I can stay silent no longer. This week, when it was announced that the beloved Durham Bulls mascot would soon be retiring, I thought my golden pocketwatch had finally arrived. But then, I was informed that the mascot in question is actually Lucky the Wonderdog.”