DSI Witness News » Radio Episodes

SunTrusts of ADVENTURE!

DSI Witness News — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 15:45:34 +0000

Durham City officials are considering chipping in more business incentives to help Greenfire Development convert downtown Durham’s historic SunTrust tower into a 165-room boutique hotel. With us today to discuss the proposal is DSI Witness News’ own construction expert, Gino Fontinelli.

What’s an Uptick?

DSI Witness News — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 13:50:25 +0000

Kit FitzSimons and Molly Buckley bring you today’s top headlines.

Molly would like to apologize for her inability to speak the English language.

Robert Bapst Themed Headlines

DSI Witness News — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 14:17:59 +0000

AARON: It’s the final edition of DSI Witness News: Robert Bapst Tribute Week. I’m Aaron Keck.

MOLLY: I’m Molly Buckley.

ZACH: I’m Zach Ward. And with us once again is our soon-to-be-departed writer, Robert Bapst.

ROBERT: Hey everybody.

ZACH: It’s been a fun and bittersweet week here at DSI Witness News, but the time has come to send Robert off for real.

MOLLY: And we thought, what better way to do it than by having Ron Stutts sing his own karaoke version of Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye?

AARON: But unfortunately, Ron wouldn’t go for it. So we’re doing headline jokes instead.

ZACH: So without further ado—

ROBERT: Here are your Robert Bapst-themed top headlines.

Where’s Robert Bapst?

DSI Witness News — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 18:21:15 +0000

We miss him already and he hasn’t even left.

Steel Cut Hot Dogs

DSI Witness News — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 15:37:50 +0000

It’s July, and that means it’s time to celebrate National Hot Dog Month, that special time of year when folks all over America step outside to cook up some hot dogs and enjoy those warm summer nights. And joining us again today with a message for National Hot Dog Month, is Mister Steel Cut himself, Wilford Brimley.

Mr. Wifflefizz the Baby Lemur

DSI Witness News — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 13:56:28 +0000

Two young lemurs made international news last week when they escaped from a zoo in Salzburg, Austria, only to be recaptured days later–in a hotel bar. Joining us today to shed some light on all this is a very special guest from Duke University’s Lemur Center–Mr. Wifflefizz.

Robert Bapst Tribute Week

DSI Witness News — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 13:57:17 +0000

It’s the first day of Robert Bapst tribute week – a week where every piece is dedicated to Robert Bapst.

Aurora Joplin: Quidditch Player Extraordinaire

DSI Witness News — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 15:15:15 +0000

Harry Potter-mania is sweeping the nation yet again, and Chapel Hill is not immune: as WCHL reported last weekend, a group of UNC students have started their own Quidditch team. For those of you who don’t know, Quidditch is a soccer-style game played on flying broomsticks–and given that fact, we were not surprised to learn that one of our own commentators is a founding member of the UNC Quidditch Club. And so, joining us again today, is local Quidditch sensation–and Carrboronian extraordinaire–Ms. Aurora Joplin.

Painted Chair Animal Rescue

DSI Witness News — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 15:40:55 +0000

The Independent Animal Rescue will hold its eighth annual Painted Chair and More Auction later this month. With us to talk about the specifics of the event is Independent Animal Rescue High School Intern Myron Maclaine.

The Fuuuuture of Chapel Hill

DSI Witness News — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 13:39:54 +0000

World Cup season has come to an end, and in case you were wondering: we didn’t win. But the big winner at this year’s World Cup wasn’t a team at all—but an octopus. Yes, Paul the Octopus, the world-famous tentacled seer who successfully called the outcome of every single World Cup game. And we thought, hey, since he’s so great at predicting soccer matches, why not ask him to predict the fuuuture of Chapel Hill!

The Response Letter

DSI Witness News — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 22:03:44 +0000

Last week, the mayor of Morganton, Mel Cohen, wrote a letter to the Chapel Hill News blasting the Town Council for neglecting downtown, lamenting the closure of the Chapel Hill Museum—among other things—and generally complaining that Chapel Hill is in serious decline. Mayor Mark Kleinschmidt responded with a letter of his own defending Chapel Hill, but we here at DSI Witness News have managed to obtain the original first draft of Mayor Kleinschmidt’s letter, and we’d like to read it for you now.

We’re gonna see Joe Biden!

DSI Witness News — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 14:51:19 +0000

We bring you the headlines. Oh, yeah, we brought them.

Luke Warm Diggity Days

DSI Witness News — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 14:21:56 +0000

Zach Ward comes and does bits with Walter Storholt about Hot Diggity Days.

Old Man Healy

DSI Witness News — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 14:50:15 +0000

Elizabeth Edwards has placed her Chapel Hill home on the market, in hopes that she can sell the house and move on with her life. Here with a comment, is next-door neighbor, Old Man Healy.

The Pork Council Regulators

DSI Witness News — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 13:10:51 +0000

A bill aimed at combating puppy mills by regulating commercial dog breeders in North Carolina failed last week for the second straight year, in part due to a surprising adversary: The N.C. Pork Council. Here with a comment is N.C. Pork Council spokesperson, Gordana Swino. Welcome.

Erskine Bowles Sings

DSI Witness News — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 16:07:40 +0000

Local author Jeffrey Deaver has been tapped to write the next James Bond novel, and we here at DSI Witness News couldn’t be more excited. In fact, we were hoping to have Jeffrey Deaver here today to read some of the book for us, but a series of unfortunate circumstances forced him to cancel at the last minute. So, instead, please enjoy three minutes of Erskine Bowles singing The Battle Hymn of the Republic. Take it away.

Name Redacted

DSI Witness News — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 16:05:34 +0000

No, we’ve NEVER been censored. Ever.

Aurora Joplin Plugs Harvey Wallbanger

DSI Witness News — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 16:18:07 +0000

Molly Buckley, Aurora Joplin, and guest “Gary” sit down with Ron Stutts to talk about Harvey Wallbanger: a one-woman show by Molly Buckle y, opening TONIGHT (July 2nd) at 9:30PM at the DSI Comedy Theater in Carrboro, North Carolina.

Sally Thomas – Events Correspondent

DSI Witness News — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 20:10:43 +0000

Summertime is officially upon us, and I’m sure many of you, like me, are thinking, Gee, I’d love to get outside and really take in some more of this ridiculous 95-degree weather. But where can I go? What can I do? Well, we here at DSI Witness News have got you covered. And so, joining us again today with a rundown of the area’s big summer events, here is our new Summer Events Correspondent— and, Raleigh real estate agent—Sally Thomas.

DSI Witness News – 06-30-2010

DSI Witness News — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 14:48:26 +0000

A brain for John Edwards, young football players, TASTY CHAW!, and Miss Raleigh is a Soul Man.

John Henson Speaks

DSI Witness News — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 13:53:25 +0000

UNC men’s basketball head coach Roy Williams told reporters last week that lanky sophomore forward John Henson has gained a lot of much needed weight since the beginning of his freshman year. Here to comment is UNC’s own, John Henson.

Chamber for Hire on DSI Witness News

DSI Witness News — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 14:12:34 +0000

Filling in for your regular anchors, I’m Chapel Hill Chamber of Commerce President Aaron Nelson. As you may know, I’m spending the summer visiting select businesses and learning to do their jobs as part of our Chamber For Hire program, and today I’m taking over as DSI’s on-air personality. This should be easy as pie. All right, Ron Stutts, here are your top headlines.

Knobby Bigfoot Sightings

DSI Witness News — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 16:42:46 +0000

Filling in for Aaron Keck, Kit FitzSimons, Molly Buckley and Zach Ward, I’m Fiona Stewart-Taylor. Last week, a man named Tim Peeler reported a close encounter with KNOBBY, the legendary 10 foot tall, blond hairy big-foot that’s stalks the Carolina wilderness. And ever since then, um, our DSI Witness News team has been–well, mysteriously disappearing. So today we’re opening up the phones for ANYONE who might have news of their whereabouts. –All right, we’ve got a call. DSI Witness News, you’re on the air.

Sariah the Community Snake

DSI Witness News — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 13:44:40 +0000

Last week, a Chapel Hill postal worker found the skin of a 4 foot boa constrictor while out on his mail route, and now, Orange County Animal Services are on the lookout for the missing serpent. Well, we here at DSI Witness News–oh yeah. We found it. And so, here with us today is, the Chapel Hill-Carrboro 4-foot boa constrictor… Welcome.

World Cup Wednesday!

DSI Witness News — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 21:00:42 +0000

World Cup Themed Headlines. Excuse the sound of the vuvuzela.

Wait, you’re…

DSI Witness News — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 18:24:07 +0000

North Carolina voters are heading to the polls today to determine whether Elaine Marshall or Cal Cunningham will be the Democratic nominee for U.S. Senate. Marshall held a commanding lead earlier this year, but the young, charismatic Cunningham has tied the race with a surprisingly effective insurgent campaign. He joins us today. Mr. Cunningham, welcome.

Note: This piece is based on fictitious accounts and has no basis in reality. DSI Witness News neither endorses or opposes any political candidates. We love everyone.

Shag for Hog Day?

DSI Witness News — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 14:31:56 +0000

Bad news for Hillsborough Pigs?, Police side businesses, Freudian Father’s Day, battle of the field trip locations, Puritan vs. Ruritan SHAGGING!

Father’s Day Ideas

DSI Witness News — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 19:12:36 +0000

This Sunday is Father’s Day, and each year holiday’s like this can sneak up on us and our busy lives. So, you may not have made plans or purchased gifts yet, for that man who held the hand of the woman who brought you into this world. Or any man in your life that may have taken the place of that man that held the hand of the woman who… [BEAT / BREATHE] Father’s Day. So, here with us to give some last minute pro-tips is DSI Witness News HOLIDAY Correspondent, Leetha.

Pay ANY Ticket dot com.

DSI Witness News — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 16:09:08 +0000

The state of North Carolina has just this month started the website “paynctickets.com,” which Orange County residents can use to pay off speeding tickets, stop sign violations, and other minor traffic offenses. Court officials hope that the online payment method will reduce the number of mistakes caused by mailing checks and make it easier for residents to handle tickets at the last minute from the comfort of their homes. And apparently, listeners, someone let Department of Transportation spokesperson Mack Freedman back into the studio.

Spay and Neuter Your…

DSI Witness News — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 14:34:12 +0000

An influx of kittens and small farmers? Tornello Fontaine Pierce El-Bay vs. Wycliffe Deneen Niko-Harrigan, Thanks a Million! Dude, where’s my Louis Armstrong?, and you’re cooler at 38.