Archive for June 2010

DSI Witness News – 06-30-2010

A brain for John Edwards, young football players, TASTY CHAW!, and Miss Raleigh is a Soul Man.

John Henson Speaks

UNC men’s basketball head coach Roy Williams told reporters last week that lanky sophomore forward John Henson has gained a lot of much needed weight since the beginning of his freshman year. Here to comment is UNC’s own, John Henson.

Chamber for Hire on DSI Witness News

Filling in for your regular anchors, I’m Chapel Hill Chamber of Commerce President Aaron Nelson. As you may know, I’m spending the summer visiting select businesses and learning to do their jobs as part of our Chamber For Hire program, and today I’m taking over as DSI’s on-air personality. This should be easy as pie. All right, Ron Stutts, here are your top headlines.

Knobby Bigfoot Sightings

Filling in for Aaron Keck, Kit FitzSimons, Molly Buckley and Zach Ward, I’m Fiona Stewart-Taylor. Last week, a man named Tim Peeler reported a close encounter with KNOBBY, the legendary 10 foot tall, blond hairy big-foot that’s stalks the Carolina wilderness. And ever since then, um, our DSI Witness News team has been–well, mysteriously disappearing. So today we’re opening up the phones for ANYONE who might have news of their whereabouts. –All right, we’ve got a call. DSI Witness News, you’re on the air.

Sariah the Community Snake

Last week, a Chapel Hill postal worker found the skin of a 4 foot boa constrictor while out on his mail route, and now, Orange County Animal Services are on the lookout for the missing serpent. Well, we here at DSI Witness News–oh yeah. We found it. And so, here with us today is, the Chapel Hill-Carrboro 4-foot boa constrictor… Welcome.

World Cup Wednesday!

World Cup Themed Headlines. Excuse the sound of the vuvuzela.

Wait, you’re…

North Carolina voters are heading to the polls today to determine whether Elaine Marshall or Cal Cunningham will be the Democratic nominee for U.S. Senate. Marshall held a commanding lead earlier this year, but the young, charismatic Cunningham has tied the race with a surprisingly effective insurgent campaign. He joins us today. Mr. Cunningham, welcome.

Note: This piece is based on fictitious accounts and has no basis in reality. DSI Witness News neither endorses or opposes any political candidates. We love everyone.

Shag for Hog Day?

Bad news for Hillsborough Pigs?, Police side businesses, Freudian Father’s Day, battle of the field trip locations, Puritan vs. Ruritan SHAGGING!

Father’s Day Ideas

This Sunday is Father’s Day, and each year holiday’s like this can sneak up on us and our busy lives. So, you may not have made plans or purchased gifts yet, for that man who held the hand of the woman who brought you into this world. Or any man in your life that may have taken the place of that man that held the hand of the woman who… [BEAT / BREATHE] Father’s Day. So, here with us to give some last minute pro-tips is DSI Witness News HOLIDAY Correspondent, Leetha.

Pay ANY Ticket dot com.

The state of North Carolina has just this month started the website “,” which Orange County residents can use to pay off speeding tickets, stop sign violations, and other minor traffic offenses. Court officials hope that the online payment method will reduce the number of mistakes caused by mailing checks and make it easier for residents to handle tickets at the last minute from the comfort of their homes. And apparently, listeners, someone let Department of Transportation spokesperson Mack Freedman back into the studio.