DSI Comedy Theater takes over the airwaves to keep you up to date on top stories around the Triangle and beyond.
Kit FitzSimons and Molly Buckley bring you today’s top headlines.
Molly would like to apologize for her inability to speak the English language.
AARON: It’s the final edition of DSI Witness News: Robert Bapst Tribute Week. I’m Aaron Keck.
MOLLY: I’m Molly Buckley.
ZACH: I’m Zach Ward. And with us once again is our soon-to-be-departed writer, Robert Bapst.
ROBERT: Hey everybody.
ZACH: It’s been a fun and bittersweet week here at DSI Witness News, but the time has come to send Robert off for real.
MOLLY: And we thought, what better way to do it than by having Ron Stutts sing his own karaoke version of Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye?
AARON: But unfortunately, Ron wouldn’t go for it. So we’re doing headline jokes instead.
ZACH: So without further ado—
ROBERT: Here are your Robert Bapst-themed top headlines.
We miss him already and he hasn’t even left.
It’s July, and that means it’s time to celebrate National Hot Dog Month, that special time of year when folks all over America step outside to cook up some hot dogs and enjoy those warm summer nights. And joining us again today with a message for National Hot Dog Month, is Mister Steel Cut himself, Wilford Brimley.
Two young lemurs made international news last week when they escaped from a zoo in Salzburg, Austria, only to be recaptured days later–in a hotel bar. Joining us today to shed some light on all this is a very special guest from Duke University’s Lemur Center–Mr. Wifflefizz.
It’s the first day of Robert Bapst tribute week – a week where every piece is dedicated to Robert Bapst.
Harry Potter-mania is sweeping the nation yet again, and Chapel Hill is not immune: as WCHL reported last weekend, a group of UNC students have started their own Quidditch team. For those of you who don’t know, Quidditch is a soccer-style game played on flying broomsticks–and given that fact, we were not surprised to learn that one of our own commentators is a founding member of the UNC Quidditch Club. And so, joining us again today, is local Quidditch sensation–and Carrboronian extraordinaire–Ms. Aurora Joplin.
The Independent Animal Rescue will hold its eighth annual Painted Chair and More Auction later this month. With us to talk about the specifics of the event is Independent Animal Rescue High School Intern Myron Maclaine.
World Cup season has come to an end, and in case you were wondering: we didn’t win. But the big winner at this year’s World Cup wasn’t a team at all—but an octopus. Yes, Paul the Octopus, the world-famous tentacled seer who successfully called the outcome of every single World Cup game. And we thought, hey, since he’s so great at predicting soccer matches, why not ask him to predict the fuuuture of Chapel Hill!
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